no. (roses_rejoice) wrote,
no.
roses_rejoice

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flashbacks

i've opened the window by the pc for summer
i smell grass and hear in the far distance, the tinkling of an ice cream truck
i keep thinking it's five (5) years ago and remembering many things.
little deuce coupe...
there sure were some wonderful times
and some terrible times
and i wouldn't relive it all again for anything. once is enuf.

Uhm...there are things that aren't too happy to remember
There are things that basically confirmed my world view about most people being uncaring jerks who only pretend to care, and only pretend as long as you follow Their Rules:
Don't say things they don't like. Don't dress in ways they don't Like.
Kiss everyone's butt. Twice if they're especially "important".
Make sure you give your full name and address and life history when you "meet", so they can decide whether to be friends with you. "Checkpoint! Show your papers!"
Share lots of personal information and gossip. People just love that. If you don't say anything they'll assume bad things about you, after all!
When you are not invited to parties or other places, be sure to act sad and like you really wanted to be there, and make a big fuss about it, when deep down any wanting-to-be-there was trounced by the fact that you were not invited, and don't really like parties anyway, and perhaps don't even like the people who are not doing the inviting.


Rules are tiring. But when you reject said rules, be prepared for people to have a little hissy fit.
Also,
Be prepared for people to lie.
Be prepared for people to be more interested in whoever they're trying to get it on with, than in someone they could MAYBE "just be friends with."
And if someone is trying to Get It On with you, then know that in 99% of cases, they will stop caring as soon as they get whatever they want.
Because it's not really You they want.
Be prepared for people to act in their own economic interests at all times. (That actually bothers me the least, because that's what I do too...it's normal).

The moral of this story is there's a lot of misguided people in the world and finding your way around them is like learning to navigate a minefield.
It really hurts me on some level that I'm more dependent on people than I was...that I got used to having friends again so when I can't see them or talk to them for some reason, I feel bad. I liked it better when I didn't feel anything. But you can't have Ups without accepting the Downs.
If you want real happy times, you have to learn to deal with others and take the good with the bad.
I just wish it wasn't so mixed up in my head sometimes, because it can be very unclear to me how to deal with people. Right now I am inclined to somewhat trust people who make an effort, even a small one, to work stuff out. It's sad that so many didn't even give that much of a shit. Sad...but what can you expect.
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