no. (roses_rejoice) wrote,

  • Mood:

Wake up, Maggie...

The hardest thing about changing and improving my habits and other stuff in my life is the realization that whatever i change and improve is NOT going to solve Everything for me.

It's just going to fix whatever bugaboo is being directly Changed or Improved.

this is why I used to never be able to lose weight (or in some cases, lost it and almost immediately gained it right back), eat better, exercise more, or just relax and enjoy a weekend afternoon. Because whatever good thing I Did do would just remind me that a lot of stuff was still Undone and some of it I couldn't do a damn thing about.

Sometimes you don't want to let go of the fantasy that once you fix whatever chair is broken, your life will Magically Transform. You will suddenly have more dates, more friends to invite over, a better job, and you will be Happy, happy, happy with yourself all the time. Sometimes the fantasy is easier to live with than the reality that you did whatever it was, you accomplished, you achieved, yet your job/life/relationship is still messed up. Maybe ten more guys at some bar notice you when you lose weight, but if none of them are the person you *want* to notice you, that is worth very little.

Learning to just be happy is the biggest lesson of all.

I wonder what I will let go of today...
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