no. (roses_rejoice) wrote,

Why couldn't you just be a person about it?

Spent some time looking at old journal entries this morning, mine and other people's. Was reminded of how cool I thought certain people (plural) were, until they took it upon themselves to act like complete asses to me in one way or another. When I think about stuff like that I really want to give up on the human race. I never liked people in general very much, and I get a lot more joy out of things than people. When I get this way, I have to stop and remind myself that there are many good people, or at least unoffensive live-and-let-live people who aren't going to start shit, in this world. And also that I do Need some human contact, probably not as much as some others do (I swear there are people in this world who can't seem to go to the TOILET unaccompanied!) but as much as I say I could live totally without it, well I could, it wouldn't kill me, but it would be difficult, it would have definite un-fun aspects.

It is really hateful and scary for me to Need any other person because everybody, even the people you love a whole lot and who are generally Good to have in your life, they are all gonna let you down Somehow. And I'm not saying I'm a perfect person either, I'm sure I do my share of annoying people even when I mean well and even though (unlike SOME people - I just Had to put that in) I don't go out of my way to be assy to others. When I think about how I annoy people and they annoy me I just want to chuck the whole thing and go live with trees... I probably need to eat before I think myself any deeper into the grumpy hole. But before I go, I shoot a Big Middle Finger to all those Olde journal entries that make me remember stuff that's best forgotten and get angry all over again, at them for what they did and at Myself for trusting them and allowing them to make me Angry, and for even bothering to spend three minutes getting angry.

P.S. Who was it who said, Never apologize for showing feelings, because when you show feelings, you show the truth? Well, this is my truth. I'm not apologizing for it and I'm damn sure not locking it.
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