no. (roses_rejoice) wrote,

i get rid of you/ with everything i do/ i get rid of you

i forgot to mention that the other night when i had that Mo' Better Dream, I was sleeping on my ancient couch (it's gotta be about 35 years old now) that has a whole bunch of crud piled up on it that i just crawl underneath to sleep till i can get it all tidied up, and when i woke up my giant-sized Domo-kun had gotten moved to the foot of the couch on top of some blankets and boxes and it was standing way up above me looking like it was screaming down. weird but fun thing to wake up to.

the flushtration i'm having in lining up a decent glass/metal/jewelry art-type school is having the effect of increasing my determination to find a place before too many more months pass. i started to add to this post about all the other things I HAVE to do (as in, get-some-repairs-done-to-this-house- before-it-falls-down-around-my-ears sort of "HAVE to do") but I don't need to overwhelm myself with all that right before bed.

Someone on some community was talking about how they had to learn something in an art-type class that they weren't really into, and I was asking, why would a class make you learn to do something you didn't like? And they were kind of lecturing me earnestly that they have to LEARN whatever it is so they'd be able to do what they Did like to do.

I was thinking about that and I think the reason I have such a problem with that approach is, I have been learning things I don't really give two hoots about for my entire life. Y'all know how much time I have had to spend in school (Too much if you ask me). And even when it was something I cared about learning, half the time the way it was presented, either poorly taught or "you MUST get an A or no decent job for you" or whatever, just kinda wrecked it for me. I stumbled upon a post on some random journal earlier (while trying to avoid all the HST obit potholes and read something decent) by someone who obviously goes to one of those "competitive schools" who was grousing about not having time to learn and explore the stuff she really cared about learning and had just gotten exposed to, because the class had to move along and cover X amount of material over a semester. *shakes head*

I know life is not an endless fun fest, but it doesn't have to be a never-ending series of "Have To's" either and I've had it about up to here with "Have To's". Maybe Death isn't right around the corner, but I believe I decided a few years ago that "Want To's" were going to finally have some say, or more say than they'd been getting, and I'm reluctant to give them any less play than they get.

I miss Seattle. I hope when I get back there it will be a little more relaxed of a time. The main thing I have been trying to teach myself (Have To?) the last few years is how to relax, and it ain't easy.
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