no. (roses_rejoice) wrote,

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How do you make a hormone?

pleasant to have reached a Point where I can post thoughts on creativity or art without the concern (Not fear, but concern) that someone will burst out of the bushes exclaiming vile things. as is my wont, i'll not contextualize that further, but shall leave it lay there like a slice of cold liver on a plate.

- I do not think, have never thought, that I was cut out to be an artist. Besides the instability (if there's one thing I do not need any more of in my life, it's instability) and the giving-yourself-away-in-pieces, I wouldn't want to earn a living doing something I love. Because one often loves things less when one has to do them. I enjoy cooking and sewing and making love, when I want to, or sometimes as a special gift to somebody else I care about. But if I was required to cook dinner every night, or sew all the clothes for the family, or make love a set number of times in a week or day or even regularly when I didn't want to, I would quickly grow to dislike, perhaps even hate, doing those "chores". I think I enjoy my job partly because I came to it late, with my identity already largely formed, and thus never had any grande illusions of being F. Lee Bailey (BEFORE his sad decline, of course :) or Clarence Darrow. I don't have to be The Greatest, I don't even have to be Great, although I'd like to be good because things worth doing Are worth doing well, pride in one's craft, yanno. Past a point, I'm not dreadfully emotionally involved with it, which kinda frees my mind to grind the work out like peeling potatoes or knitting another ten rows, and allows me to bypass all those Moral dilemmas that I suspect occur more often to people who Are more involved with it.

- I am developing a strong aversion to the OOAK nature of much creative stuff. I prefer music, or photography, or prints, or anything reproducible, simply because their possession by one person doesn't automatically deny the object or image to the rest of the human race. Hundreds of people can get a copy of a CD and enjoy identical copies of the same song; usually dozens of people can get a print and do the same for an image. Whereas for other forms of creation, it often seems like the stuff I like doesn't make it into a catalog for one reason or another, or wasn't the featured piece on the poster (I find myself asking "Why?" a lot). So unless whatever it is is for sale, and I have room in my life for another whatever, and I can afford it, and I am the lucky first offeror, or worse yet auction winner, and that's an awful lot of Ands and they tire me out...I may never see again whatever moves me. Now I'm sure some people are very cool with that and Happy to have the image ingrained in their heart and head and can just trip the light fantastic and on to the next thing, But that's not me and I don't like impermanence in that either and I am Turtle Girl and like to carry it all around on my back, and yet it makes me feel bad even when it's mine because not only do I only have limited room, I also feel like I am depriving someone (the artist? the world?). So poop on the concept of the One and Only One Whatever, and God bless digital everything even if it's a little colder.

- I am also realizing that truly admiring one who creates involves not only admiring their technical skillz, but also their attitude about what they are doing, which is a part of the process. This may seem elementary to many, but I have always tended to focus on the technical skills (Assuming they were expressed with the requisite balancing amount of emotion to bind and prevent dryness, the same way an egg makes batter stick together) and then wonder why I get so frustrated with some people who are obviously very, very adept. But either lacking in confidence to the point where they slavishly feed off compliments, or require daily proppings-up, or else hostile sans explanation. If I tell someone how much I like something in particular that they've done and they respond with "Oh, I hate that thing!" and don't explain to me why, that to me is an odd response, if not downright rude, and while politeness may not always go hand in hand with way cool talented output, I don't like being made to feel uncomfortable, nobody does. I can never tell if it's an "Oh, this ol' thing from the back of my closet?" or "Oh, this cake turned out just TERRIBLE", you know those canned denigrating responses women used to hand out in response to compliments, or if the person really does hate whatever it is and usually for some reason I consider stupid. I mean, I am not the most erudite critic on earth and I don't want to be, but I don't have awful taste either, so if you're not gonna tell me Why I will take whatever strange attitude you cop as a signal that we should not have further dealings and that is For the Best...if politesse doesn't apply there is still such a thing as Grace.
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