no. (roses_rejoice) wrote,

  • Mood:

King Minus In Reverse.

I have been wanting to say something on here for a long time but not quite sure how to go about it, aside from something rather pointless and inexplicative like posting Eff You 100 times. I also haven't been in the greatest thinking/posting shape due to saving most of my concentration for my job and for some life changes I'm trying to make, on the order of quitting smoking (except it ain't that 'cause i've never smoked), that are physically and emotionally wearing. But I have a day off today and some energy left over from last night, so I'll give it a shot.

Last night while commenting to jimmyether I mentioned that most "pop" music fans make me nervous. The reason for this is part of a bigger picture. Simply put, I don't like being characterized as constantly dark or negative by people who know me very little or not at all. I feel like I get a lot of that from the sunshine-and-Posies set and it makes me feel just as excluded as all the cliques in school that I got into music and whatnot to try to escape. There are exceptions in both directions: for example, one of my friends is the world's biggest Beatlepop fan and is yet more understanding, caring and able to handle people's dark sides than almost anyone else I've ever known. Yet, overall it seems like if somebody is the type of person who wants to listen all day unremittingly to the Beatles and the Beach Boys and the Kinks and the Posies and Mitch Easter and so forth, they're more likely to be the type who wants everything obvious, everything on the surface, not so much because they don't have problems of their own but because it apparently makes them nervous when other people either (a) have problems or (b) are less than forthcoming about their internal turmoil and feelings.

Did it ever occur to you Flower Patch Jerks that so-called "negative" people might have a lot of joy that they hide, because when they show that they're happy, people consistently try to mess it up for them? Maybe you even know some of the messers. Maybe you think they are wonderful and your dearest, most cherished friends, and maybe to you they are, and maybe they just save their assholy sides for me. I seem to be a creep magnet at times because I treat people with a reasonable amount of respect but I refuse to kiss their butts and tell them how flippin' wonderful they are every damn day, and that just brings out the beast in some of the attention whores of the world, I've noticed.

I am especially angry at some person(s) who apparently made some judgment of me being "negative" based on no contact other than reading my journal once in a while over the last couple of years. Now I understand that some people, because they have major problems of their own, have a limited tolerance for stuff that's not all Happy Happy Joy Joy. It's perfectly OK not to like me or my journal, no one says you have to and I write here for MY benefit, not yours. But if you consider what I have been through in the last couple of years (a major death, a major job loss, a very upsetting split with a friend and a long series of things to work out with another) I think I am doing pretty well keeping my head above the dishpan. I don't appreciate judgments from your peanut gallery, especially when the peanuts, or at least their journals, are 57 times more negative than I ever was (as in, constant whine about how much life sucks, how much people suck, how much your unexciting job sucks, how blah you feel, how boring you are, ON and ON and ON) and plus seem to have quite a few "negative" friends who post nonstop about pills and cutting and other lovely things like that going on in their personal lives, but those folks are attractive for some reason. Gee! Maybe that's because you bothered getting to KNOW them before you judged them. Or maybe it's because they're cute and single and you want to date them. Whatever. Disgusting hypocrite(s). I'll hide what I feel twice as much now, because of you. Feel honored! Feel important! Feel ugly. Because on the inside, you are.

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