no. (roses_rejoice) wrote,

Drinking and drugging before breakfast

knavishas also reminded me of a good point on the McCullers entry

point being the one made in the Joan Kennedy bio I am reading. that nothing CAUSES alcoholism (or, i would suppose, drug addiction or other forms of addiction). inner pain doesn't "cause" it. other people don't "cause" it. it is a disease.

this is an interesting and comforting thought for those of us who feel guilt, no matter how logically silly or fleeting, that we may have driven someone to drink.

* * *

a lot of people have inner pain of some sort, and issues with other people of some sort, and they don't end up addicted to anything. because they're lucky and don't have the disease.

there have been periods in my own life where nothing was too horrible and yet i had enough inner pain or upset with a person/situation to make my life a wreck for months or even years. because i'd be thinking about it when i woke up in the morning. i'd be thinking about it when i went to bed at night. i'd be thinking about it while i ate thanksgiving dinner, rode the rollercoaster at hersheypark, took baths, worked, made plans, it would always be there in the back of my mind. pain. sometimes i thought about drinking it away. sometimes i did. i didn't become an alcoholic though, because i don't have the disease. of course, it's not wise to push your triggers...because you don't know when or if you might develop the disease. you don't know where your inner time bombs might be ticking, better off not to scamper through the ACHTUNG! MINEN! field.

i realized after andy commented that i get tired of pain being seen as an excuse for addictive behavior.
i get tired of "artistic pain" being exalted or painted as Truth or Poesy. however it's not the true artists* who are pushing that viewpoint. the vast majority of them are just trying to get through the day. it's the external observers who don't think before they frame someone else's existence stupidly.

(*"true artists" excludes wannabe artiste wackjobs like Elizabeth Wurtzel who exploit their messedupness to cater to others' voyeuristic instincts and make bux in the process - I'll watch her sideshow, but I'd certainly tell her she ain't nuthin' but a McD's burger on the plate of kultoor - i don't think she'd care though, cha-CHING!!)
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