no. (roses_rejoice) wrote,
no.
roses_rejoice

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droppings

Yesterday I had a conversation with one person and read some posts elsewhere about people dropping journals. It seems like some people take being dropped very personally. I can understand this if it's a friend who you actually hung out with or had long deep conversations with outside of LJ, and then later they dropped you and stopped speaking to you. That hurts, no two ways about it. On the other hand, if someone drops you and you weren't close enough to the person to feel comfortable asking "why?" and getting an answer, then they probably weren't your "friend", they were just someone whose blog you read for a while. So you don't have a logical basis to get upset.

That got me thinking about why I have dropped various journals over the past three years, so I made up a list:

GENERAL REASONS WHY I DELETED PEOPLE'S JOURNALS
- They deleted me

- Few or no posts for a protracted length of time (see footnote 1)

- Rarely or never commented on my journal or responded to my comments in theirs (see 1)

- I got bored with their writing style, subjects etc. (see 1)

- Too much drama. Variation: Subjects being posted about made me uncomfortable due to my past experiences (see 1)

- Got pissy or rude with me for politely disagreeing with them or just out of the blue sky (see 1)

- Used gross usericons, HTML that broke my f(r)iends page, etc.

- Too many posts discussing or joking about sex, bathroom humor etc. (see footnotes 1 and 2) Note: I really appreciate my good friends who have made a filtered group for posting their graphic sex stuff so I can continue to enjoy the rest of their journal.

- Too many posts focusing on a relationship. (see 1 and 2) My opinion is that the best relationships don't need a lot of discussion, or at least not public discussion.

- Too many posts discussing insecurity or asking for support. (see footnote 2)

- Too many posts focusing on appearance or weight, including people who constantly post photos of themselves in hopes of getting compliments/attention. (see 2)

- Emphasis on local friends/ social life to the point where people who aren't physically present seem excluded. Variation: Endless namechecking of friends, like where every post reads "Today I saw A and B, and then C and I went to the mall, and I talked to D on messenger, and I need to get together with E soon and F is my very very best friend ever." Another variation: Diatribes on how the person doesn't want to spend so much time on the Internet anymore, wants a "real life", thinks Internet is not as good as "real life", etc. (see 2)

- Endless ranking of friends; constant discussion of who is best friend, second-best friend, etc. and who has fallen down the pecking order. I have to say that before LJ I never knew that people over age 15 could even think like this, much less post about it, but it takes all kinds to make a world. As it is, this stuff has turned me off so much that I now avoid posting praises of my own good friends even though I think they are way fabulous and I love them to death.

- Too much emphasis on finding an SO, as in "I desperately need to get a girlfriend soon because I'm so miserably lonely and besides I haven't gotten laid in six months" kind of crap. Yawn. Get a life. (see 2)

- Person is looking for a sugar daddy/mommy. The worst was a "camgirl"-type journal where the person had at least two potential amours sending gifts and duking it out in the comments.

- Journal is more like a private conversation between journal keeper and object of affection. You know, those journals where every post has a 30-comment thread with two people talking lovey stuff to each other like this is instant messenger. Or where every post makes sure to mention, hint at, talk about, talk to the person the journal keeper is "into". And then other people post stuff like "Awwww, you two are so cute!" I always feel like I've walked in on two people making out. It's especially funny because most, if not all, the people I've seen carry on like this ended up breaking up amidst huge clouds of LJ drama. (see 2)

Footnote 1: In these situations, if you are a good real-life friend of mine, I'm likely to contact you and ask what's going on before I drop your journal. Or, I'll know you well enough to understand the situation, so I'll let it go by and not drop your journal. However, if you're not a good friend, I'll probably just drop your journal.

Footnote 2: The key word for all these is "too many posts" or "every post". I expect subjects like insecurity, sex, relationships, local friends, social life, "I went to the mall with X", etc. to come up sometimes, and sometimes I even make such posts myself. It's difficult to say how much is "too much" becaue we all have a different threshold for what we like to read, but when I find myself feeling annoyed with a person's entries on a regular basis, basically thinking "Oh no, not this AGAIN", that's "too much" for me, so I drop.

There were also two or three very specific, unusual situations where people got dropped for doing/saying something really shitty, or because I didn't feel comfortable being on their journal, but those are the exceptions and I made sure to clearly explain it to them when I dropped. I didn't include those because they're specific to the people involved and too complicated to go into.
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