but sometimes, i miss when it used to be just me and whatsisname. as in, apart from my mom and Workmates At Work, he was the only person i talked to. and, he was the only person I ever went anywhere with, as in out to eat, out to shop, out to shows. (but not too many shows then because my back was bad and my mind was unwilling and i wanted to spend a few years going other places besides Smoky Hole Clubs. it turns out that, sadly, i discovered I really do love Smoky Hole Clubs more than most, though not All, other places, but as Pedo Pete done wrote, Sometimes, I feel I gotta get away. I feel the same way about Clevewood. but i digress.)
the point is, for a few years i didn't think much of anybody else but him. i lived life alone, or with him. nobody else. and i don't mean that in a "romantic" way, because i wasn't thinking romantically much about ANYBODY at that point. that part of my brain was a burned-out basement, with Neil Young laying in it, heh. Roll over Neil, you're smushing my hippocampus. I miss being that together with one person sometimes. Ted I mean, not Neil. we were reasonably happy living one-on-one. Ted, like me, is not a People Person and he never will be, though he manages a certain veneer of Hail-Fellow-Well-Mettitude when dealing with, say, the neighbors, whom i generally completely ignore. He will carry on fine friendly convos with many folkx and then behind closed doors cheerfully heave a sigh and announce to me what complete idiots most of them are, and I will agree because I do agree, and ask why he bothers to talk with them then? and the answer usually is, "I couldn't get away!" Ted was voted Most Polite in his high school yearbook. He doesn't even hang up on telemarketers, he will stand there for five minutes waiting for them to finish their spiel so he can say "Not interested" while I'm across the room hollering, "Just hang up!" I am often polite myself and appreciate that quality to a degree in others, but when it comes to not wanting to talk I can be quite cold and brusque. I will slam the fone, slam the door, walk away, get extremely growly like my cats when they're annoyed. this is something people just have to accept about me and not frickin' annoy me if they can help it.
anyway yeah, sometimes i just miss when it was me and him, walking hand in hand through meadows of roos at sunset, et cetera. (The Roostraunt at the End of the Universe.) i know I couldn't keep living that way indefinitely, with just one other person in my life; certain people showed me that, and past a point such concentration and isolation probably isn't healthy for me. but I think i will always remember those few years when it was just us, like a couple of beavers chewing down trees in some isolated stream. (i would have said a couple of bears, except i don't think bears live in couples. then again if they were us, maybe they would.)