no. (roses_rejoice) wrote,
no.
roses_rejoice

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three chords and a cloud of dust

short version of long thing i wrote in my paper journal:
(first, effing disclaimer: the following are my general thoughts only. nobody specific is "doing anything" upsetting at the moment.)

i'm tired of dealing with people, or rather with dealing with my THOUGHTS about dealing with people, not with the actual persons themselves.

bottom line is, you can put effort into a job, school, a craft or home maintenance project, saving up money, etc. and have a reasonable expectation of what the outcome is going to be. sure, sometimes shit happens and you have to rethink your strategy, but in general, if you go about it in an intelligent way you'll probably make some progress towards the better job, raise, promotion, becoming more learned, having a nicer place to live, a nest egg, etc. even if it's not as much progress as you hoped.

people = different story. there is no way to predict the outcome when you put effort into being with people. they could still split, die, or turn into some kind of jerks tomorrow. i'm a risk averse person, and people are risky business, and a lot of the time i feel like it would be easier to just not go there. it's not about fear; it's a bit about mistrust; it's a LOT about minimizing disruption and hassle.

at this point i'd like to list the names of the dozen or so people who i consider good, reliable friends at this point in time. i know why people list names and namecheck each other on their journals. it makes them feel good, to think and talk about their friends. almost everybody does that, i do it sometimes. but, i don't like to. it's not because i don't like the people i like. it's just that you should be able to like or love someone without publicly reminding the planet all the time, and maybe making other people feel excluded. plus, if i'd made such a list a year or a year and a half ago, it would be different from now, so what's the point, except for my own reference? some things, actually many things, are better just kept to yourself and not announced to the world. you all know who you are, to me.

yeah, disappearing is stupid, especially if you do it too often. i have to admit i enjoy doing it though. when in doubt, just go. don't look back. do one to others before they do one to you.
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