no. (roses_rejoice) wrote,

Changes to my journal

Like I posted before, I have been doing some thinking about this journal recently. While I enjoy the concept of a mostly public journal, and it's closer to the ideal of what the Internet should be, keeping a public journal can get very tiring if you are someone like me who dislikes the feeling of being a performing monkey on the street corner, with people passing by and occasionally tossing me a quarter. I probably wouldn't have taken this journal public if I'd known that I was going to hear that someone I loved died about an hour after I made the first public post. I almost went "back down the rabbit hole" that day but felt like I had to continue what I started. That death was followed in short succession by major job trouble and a serious, painful physical injury, with a couple of rounds of stupid LiveJournal drama (not of my making) interspersed into the mix here and there.

Things have been getting better, but I am very tired and at this point would just like to get through the rest of this year without any more fanfare. Perhaps that makes more sense if I explain that this is the fourth or fifth year in a row where I have had to deal with a sequence of stressful occurrences, and in some respects the worst year. (I know, it's called Life and there's no getting away from it, but I'd like to have a couple of reasonably peaceful years and just worry about stuff like meeting the filing deadlines instead of dealing with Death and Loss and Crap.) This time of year also tends to carry some painful memories for me that get worse as the holidays approach.

So basically I am taking the journal back to mostly friends-only for the rest of this year, with a little exception. I am not thrilled with the concept of a reciprocal "friends list" the way LJ has implemented it. Basically, just because you want to read someone's LJ does not mean they want to read yours. There are journals I keep on my friends list, sometimes for years, because I like to read them, but the people who write them are not interested in reading mine. So it seems kind of silly to allow them access to read my posts, when the whole reason I have the journal friends-only is to ensure that the posts are read only by folks who care at least a tiny bit about seeing them. Also, several of my friends have multiple journals where one is the "main" journal and the other is used for creative writing, art etc. Although I like to see these journals on my friends page, my posts really only need to show up on one journal, the main one that the person uses the most. That way I get less confused about how many people I'm dealing with as well. I also keep deleted journals on my list if I am hoping the person will come back, but for purposes of this filter I'd like to leave them out in favor of active readers.

Anyway, I just made up a filter that contains the vast majority of people who are currently active on LJ and have shown some interest in my journal. I would ask that if you're not really interested in reading this journal anymore, please drop it. I would like to only keep people in the filter who want to read it. Also, if anyone is concerned about whether or not they're in the filter, just leave a comment. If you bothered to read this whole post the odds are very good that you're in the filter already.

By the way, this has nothing to do with the hit counter implementation. I am not going private because "someone" has been "looking" at my journal or whatever, I don't give a damn. Indeed, I have been getting a kick out of the fact that unknown folks at Marathon Oil in Findlay, Ohio have been perusing this journal at 2 p.m., or that someone is browsing from the Presidio in San Francisco at 5 in the morning Pacific time. I'll probably post a public link or cartoon every once in a while just to watch the counter scroll on by, but any serious writing, etc. will be filtered. I'm just too tired to stand out in the open any more this year.
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