roses_rejoice: "Poking around the bookshelves last night, I found an old school reader published in 1928 that my grandma gave me when I was tiny and she was 80, so today we present one of its most educational and enlightening tails:"
Whatsisname: "As you read along, remember that the World War II generation, otherwise known as America's Greatest Generation, learned to read from this!"
r_r: "Yeah, that explains a lot!"
r_r: "And to think I used to wonder why my mom cringed when I read this story out loud."
r_r: "Hmmm, violent death by porridge. Wonder how Tipper Gore would feel about that?"
The broom said, "Little Stool, why do you hop?"
The little stool said, "Titty is dead, and Tatty weeps, and so I hop."
Then the broom said, "I shall sweep."
So the broom began to sweep.
r_r: "Let's just say that the above sequence gets repeated ad nauseam to add a Door that Slams, a Window that Rattles, an Old Bench that Runs Around the House, and an Ax that Cuts. Skipping ahead to the juicy bits, we pick up our story in the midst of the general mayhem..."
The old tree heard the ax cut.
The old tree said, "Ax, why do you cut?"
The ax said, "Titty is dead, and Tatty weeps, and the stool hops, and the broom sweeps, and the door slams, and the window rattles, and the old bench runs around the house, and so I cut."
Then the old tree said, "I shall fall."
r_r: "Hey, that house looks kind of French, doesn't it? Y'know, I bet this whole story was a metaphor for the destruction of Europe!"
W: "Yeah, from the first time around!"
Till next time, kiddies!