no. (roses_rejoice) wrote,

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The Fruity Loops of the Original Sin

The other night I concluded that "original sin" is simply a fancy name for the inherent capacity of basically good, well-intentioned humans to cause pain to others in this world. I generally try to be a nice person and when I see somebody in genuine distress (as opposed to acting overly helpless or milking the situation, et cetera) I often want to help, to offer support. At the same time, I have to watch out for my own needs. Some of these needs include: being left out of the middles of people's personal conflicts; being paid a proper amount of the right kind of attention; being regularly communicated with; and not being close to people who have many social engagements, hordes of vapid/slack friends, values that conflict severely with mine, or an overinvolvement with SO or family to the point where their other life (career, friends) gets shoved in the rumble seat. Also if I think something seems awry, suspicious or BS-ridden I'll say so. Being polite only goes so far, with me. Beyond a certain point, politeness becomes a prison.

I know sometimes I hurt people by being the way I am, and I usually don't care that much. Put it this way, I have some cats that are basically nice but if you touch them in some way they don't like to be touched, or bother them when they don't want to be bothered, or tease them till they reach their limits, they'll give you a warning hiss, and if you don't stop they'll scratch hell out of your hand and not be sorry. I think that's a healthy cattitude. Other times they'll inflict pain inadvertently, like dig their claws into my leg too hard when they go to jump off my lap. I realize that's how cats are sometimes and I'm not going to get too pissed off at them for acting like a cat. By the same token, I expect people not to get too pissed off at me for acting like Myself (as in, a human who has limits) and giving you back what I think you deserve. If you don't like cats, don't have them. If you don't like me, don't talk to me or get involved with me. Simple as that.

In the past (as in, years ago) I used to beat myself up a lot more when people took offense at comments I made or how I acted. I was much more prone to internalize other people's judgments. It took me a long time to grow out of that, but I finally did and feel much healthier and stronger in mySelf for having done so. A lot of what people get upset over is very small potatoes, and just as I try to avoid getting too stressed out over unimportant remarks, I expect other people to follow suit.

Once in a great while, though, I feel like I was too thoughtless or too harsh, and then I feel bad for causing pain to somebody. I did that the other night. I didn't mean to, but I still plan to think more in the future to hopefully keep it from happening again. Not beating myself up over it, but making a note to self.
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