no. (roses_rejoice) wrote,

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I wanted steak for breakfast but the kitchen is too messy so I sent whatsisname out to get a can of bakable cinnamon rolls instead. those always remind me of some summer morning with my mom when we made up a can and sat around eating them. they were too good to resist despite my being on a perpetual "diet" in those days and eating as little as possible. eating rolls and drinking juice and watching "robert young, family doctor" and "perry mason" and whatever other old reruns were on in the morning on channel 43 or 61. we didn't have cable then. i don't know where my dad was. he could have been at the office or out of town or in the hospital? i don't remember. we sat around, nothing much to do and nowhere much to go. it was fun. now i look back i half think i *should* have been doing something to Better Myself, like taking a class (hah) or working at some summer job (where? no place but mcdonalds' ever seemed to hire) or writing publishable stories so I could be a prodigy and get into a Good College and be a Success in life. and then I remember I don't believe in Shoulds and that hanging out with one's family is more important, if you don't want to grow up to be some competitive self-tortured driven eejit like poor ol' Sylvia.

i could have stayed in lakewood and wasted huge portions of my life even more than i did. i could do it now, even. it's pleasant and green and much more interesting than it used to be. so many places are wunnerful as long as you have the option of going somewhere else. i remember so many times feeling like an insect preserved in amber. i wrote a Poem about that once. (Oh WOW, A POEM. CLAP AND CHEER, PEOPLE!!! the slavish admiration of Poems on here never ceases to raise my pin-sticking tendencies, no matter how Good the actual writing might actually be.) my point is, *Scarlett O'Hara vox*, I will never let myself feel Stuck like that again. if necessary, I'll call up Bob and ask him for advice on living in airports. Bob and his nerves. Perhaps I *should* have had more compassion, but he was one of those sanctimonious Libra men who always manage to find some way to turn me off.
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