the last couple weeks i've been experimenting with some controlled drinking again. i went through the rest of the bottle of baileys of the course of a week. i am now going through a bottle of fairly terrible cheap white wine over the course of this week. mostly i think i'm trying to reassure myself that i won't die from this stuff. it is not doing much for me except to make me tired so i'm sort of eh about it. however, today it inspired in me the urge to go shopping on the hot topic website and that scared me so bad i'm switching over to coffee right this minute.