no. (roses_rejoice) wrote,

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architext of my internal world

i got an e-mail earlier from someone worrying that i wouldn't want to be friends with them anymore. it sounded so much like something i'd write that for a minute i thought i wrote it and sent it to myself.

here's the thing: although some ppl have disagreed with me over this, you can almost always tell when someone is going to stay in your life vs. when they are not. even when you're arguing or apart there is this little switch in the back of your brain that says aw they'll be back or hm they won't be.

i say "almost always" because in my life i made two bad calls. in both cases i forcibly got rid of the person. because although they hadn't left my life, with the stuff they were doing it was like they already had, and were just hanging around in body, not in spirit. maybe i was wrong about my perception of their "absences", but in both cases it was also a matter of self-protection, of the emotional self. (perhaps in one case, also the physical self, but that is a *big big perhaps*.)

oddly enough, in both of those cases i never thought the people really left, either. although sometimes i am not sure whether that's just my wishful thinking playing tricks.

these things are important to me. i can think about them all day while other people are busy with shit talking and mundanities. it is really much more pleasant to go off in the corner of my mind and pull down the blinds and think. i wonder if anyone ever hired an interior designer to decorate the corners of their mind? wouldn't it be funny if there was a carpet and paint store for it?
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