no. (roses_rejoice) wrote,

no gushing please, we're British

I'm very distrustful of the dewy-eyed gushy stage of relationships where ppl go on and on about how happy they are and how great things are and how wonderful the other person is. I've seen too many situations where everybody wombled on that way and the whole thing fell apart just a few months later. Also, although some people gush because they're genuinely happy, there seem to be a good many who appear to be trying to convince themselves that said coupling is wonderful, will last, etc. when they're not actually sure deep down. In other words, accentuating the positive while overlooking the fact that there are some obvious conflicts that will need to be addressed somewhere down the line.

my favorite kind of relationships are the ones where two ppl have been together a while, maybe a long while, and a lot of things are Understood and not much to say about matters except you're obviously happy and the other person is Part of your Life, like a cool old piece of furniture, and you can depend on it and mention them without having to yell Hosanna every time like they're the Second Coming.

Security. Dependability. And no need to show off or jump up and down or convince yourself, or anyone else, of anything.

I realize that sounds about as thrilling as chewing on an old shoe. It's hard for me to post my feelings about this stuff because it sounds like I'm advocating taking the one(s) you love for granted and throwing cold water all over people's honest enthusiasm. This society constantly pays homage to the idea of romance. When I was really young and hadn't experienced it much, I loved it too because it was wonderful and new and the way all the songs said it should be. It was later on that I learned that that thrill-a-minute stuff wasn't really love. Love was staying up all night to take care of somebody who was sick when you had to goto work the next day. Love was meat and potatoes stuff like doing the laundry and paying the rent and putting up with the other person's less charming idiosyncrasies, with a little of the nice stuff in between like dessert to make the life go down.

For those of you who read this who have been posting about this stuff recently, this isn't criticism personally directed at you. It's a general statement. This is a thrill-a-minute society in which some people manage to achieve something lasting and many either do not, or sadly palaver around for a long time before they finally get something good and true and real going. I distrust the thrills and spills. I'm happy for those of you who have them, but call me back in ten years and let me know how or if it's going. And if you've actually figured out how to keep something together, I'll be a lot more impressed and a lot happier for you. I don't admire people who have a long string of people in their past, half of whose names they don't remember. I don't think that's cute. I don't think it's rock n' roll. I don't think it's anything but sad and pathetic, especially if one or the other thought they were really loved, and in the end, weren't.

And if you think I'm raining on your love parade, sorry. I'm being for real. Hate me if you like. It's probably your own doubts that you hate worse.
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