If I became an Oscar Meyer Weiner, what would happen?
More people would love you. Because everyone is in love with an Oscar Meyer Weiner.
Fewer people would love you. Because all my vegetarian friends would run away.
Nothing would change. Because weiners are irrelevant. Plus the word "weiner" is annoying because no one knows how to spell it really (weener? wiener? hot dog?)
You would eventually experience regret that you did not become a Ball Park Frank (They Plump When U Cook 'Em) instead.
You would go nuts from hearing people sing that jingle wherever you went.
You would go nuts from being smothered in itchy condiments.
You would dance on movie screens, becoming a veritable Madonna among Weiners.
I would hate you because I am a dork who hates weiners.
So, how about that war, huh?