no. (roses_rejoice) wrote,

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A lesson

One thing I’ve learned/ been reminded of this past year is that I can’t deal with people who haven’t reached some minimum threshold of maturity. Although chronological age and experience sometimes help a person grow more mature, maturity as I see it doesn’t have that much to do with chronological age. Nowadays when I get to know someone, I find myself looking at two things:

1) life skills, as in can this person pay its rent, buy its food, figure out a plan on its own to get out of a bad work situation and into a better one, and so forth; and

2) dealing with other people…all that stuff about empathy, communication, LISTENING, being clear about needs and boundaries, not creating a big drama around yourself, not seeking undue attention, not having temper tantrums or needing to be Right or #1 or The Winner or create an argument all the time. And also not running around making a life habit of getting involved in every little tiff, situation, gossip or conflict that your friends and family are having. I can see getting concerned sometimes over someone you love, but I think many people would be better off letting go and letting their friends and family members live their own lives and make their own mistakes. I also think many people aren’t so concerned as they are just feeding off the drama.

I’ve met people who are really good at (1) and not so good at (2), and vice versa. And I think we can all improve over time, at (2) if not at (1), and also we all need a little help in both areas from time to time. I try to look for patterns over time, and sometimes they take a while to spot.

I’ll also admit that I favor people who grow up pretty fast and do something worthwhile or constructive at a young age. I know that’s a little biased because it takes some folks longer to get out of the starting gate, but the reality as I see it is that enough people I know have started having an independent life/career/whatever by age 21 or 22 that if it takes you much time beyond that it’s just gonna be harder to get yourself going. I have the utmost respect for people beyond that age who *do* turn their lives around, but it seems like a fairly rare occurrence. It pretty much seems like the way you begin is the way you’re going to go on, for the most part.

(Also, my preference is my preference, and I don't intend to apologize for the fact that I don't like certain lifestyles or ways people act. There's usually more than enough people who dig what I would consider an immature behavior or lifestyle - I don't need to hide what I *really* think or feel just so people won't point fingers and call me "judgmental".)

Of course I also can’t stand people who are the other extreme, over-responsible, and have to always play big mature momma or poppa to their supposedly screwy idiotic friends. In a healthy friendship, everybody takes a turn being the wise, helpful person and everybody takes a turn being the village idiot or the screwup or the helpless one, and a good balance is achieved.
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