May 8th, 2004



When I was a little girl, and my mother cared more about fussing with the house than she does now, I used to help by doing the dusting. After I played Graffiti Tagger with the can of Lemon Pledge, writing my name and making smileys and using about three times as much as I needed because I liked to smell the lemon and watch the foam squirt, I'd wipe out all the nooks and crannies on the end tables because Mom would be annoyed if I just did the flat surfaces. Then I got to arrange all the knick-knacks on the tables and windowsills Just So. One of my favorites was the heavy pewter Lord's Supper sculpture with a plush blue velvet inlay that felt good to poke. It was weighty and looked expensive, and I thought it was one of the nicest decorations we had. So I would place it front and center in a prominent location, like on the windowsill over the landing. And invariably it would stay there one or two days and then vanish. And I would find it a week later, stuck back in its box and shoved in an end-table drawer.

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the point is

if i reach out as a friend to someone, it's because i need somebody right then, at the time i'm reaching out, and not a couple of years down the road when you finally decide you have time or it's expedient for you. don't expect me to be waiting with outstretched arms. because by that point i'll have other friends, and won't need you around.

if you think that makes me a baaaaaaaaaaaaaaad person, i don't care. if you wanted me to care what you think, then you should have been a friend when i needed you to be.

plus, the fact that a person would wait so long to be friendly back smacks of ulterior motives. either that or just not on the same planet as me when it comes to communicating back to people in a timely fashion.

your loss. not mine
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