March 27th, 2004

john + yoko

time won't give me time

i've somehow managed to find myself amazingly short on time these days. i don't quite know how this happened as i've had too much to do ever since we moved into this house which was over a decade ago. but nevertheless. i might not be as responsive for a while as i normally am. so if i'm not commenting on your journal or whatever as much as i usually do, it's not that i've forgotten. just overbusy.

it scares me to think how much timing is important in meeting people. like if someone approached me now they might be really cool but it wouldn't go anywhere due to lack of time. other times i've had time on my hands so i've met all these people and then i worry when i get busy again they'll all go away because i can't talk to them as much. i guess things happen the way they're meant to happen, and whoever is meant to hang in there wit' ya does it. but being as how it's been like 20 years since i had to juggle a bunch of buds around being busy (and back then i lived with half of them and saw the other half at least once a week when i went out, they didn't live all over the map) it's a new experience.
  • Current Mood

this is my day to post a lot i'm sorry no not really i'm not

some random thoughts trickling thru my mind

- i don't understand why some people claim to want close friends or an "internet family" or whatever and then pull away from people all the time. do people ever stop to think it's their own behavior that pushes others away from them? i know some of them think this, because they'll say it out loud to me, and acknowledge it, and then we work through it. maybe for the others, i just wasn't what they wanted so it wasn't worth saying out loud how they push people away or how i missed the mark in some other way. it's not a big loss, i'm happy with what i have, but if you don't want something, don't advertise for it.

- the idea of community makes me uncomfortable. i am too much the individual. i've never seen someone who was really into "community" and didn't seem to have part of their identity subsumed by said community. for some of those people and some of those communities, the subsummation is kind of the point, or part of the point: to die to self. now i understand we must die to self somewhat in thinking of others and loving others, but i don't believe in taking it too far. it is in being strong in OurSelves that we live and can give. jesus was strong in Himself. for that matter so were buddha and mohammed and all the other great prophets and leaders. they gave of themselves but there was a Self there to give. i would be more comfortable with community where people all had a Self. maybe they'd be like that Christian writing circle in Oxford. G.K. Chesterton was a rather self-centered bastid from all I read.

- if you're bored or feel boring, then do something to make life more interesting. some people seem to have a gift for this and some people would rather just continue their boring behavior i guess. actually, what people think is "interesting" says a lot about them...

i guess that's enuf for one post, i am wordier than i want to be

it's cadbury egg season agayne. mm mmm good.