"ever get the feeling you've been cheated?"
god forgive you, i cannot.
and god forgave, and You went home happy,
and I went home and kicked the wall.
a sick chalk aftertaste, to you it mattered little,
as little as i mattered when You did what You did.
And what of God? Where was He then,
when I cringed naked with my sister whom you killed,
the part of Me you killed. perhaps
that was the part that could have done it,
forgiven You for Good,
that fluffy Easter chick chirping "Love is All,"
and you laughed
and stomped it flat with your jackboot.
So, was that a laugh or a grimace?
It's hard to remember so long ago,
my senses so foggy. I was so hungry.
And I have to forgive so I can clean out this drawer,
and not look at this black pearl tear anymore,
I suppose God would say to throw it away.
but sometimes in the right light
sometimes in its shiny face i see my dead love
and the ghost of a dead me.
So I keep it for a souvenir,
and hide it under my sagging breast,
a hard cold reminder of my humanness.
Like a pebble in my shoe.
But You don't have to worry.
God forgave You.