February 12th, 2004

terminalbourkewhite

don't (re)'mind me

Four degrees, yet I still keep those truant officer papers he gave me from when he was 15 and dropped out. I have to laugh at those 20-year-olds who play the cruddy little afternoon battle-of-the-bands. If you're 20 and you haven't already toured the country on some record company's nickel, you're behind the curve, kids :-)

I finally got around to ordering those CDs from asthecrowflies. I'm listening to one now. Sounds a little Kristin Hersh and a little Suzanne Vega. I dislike most female singer-songwriters as a general rule, but Suzanne Vega's first album is OK. Reminds me of my first trip to Georgetown which was to see her play the Bayou, then lots of later trips back and forth, driving through puddles at 3 in the morning, listening to 'HFS when it was still cool. The thing is I was mostly always alone for many years, but I'm never alone now. I will never be alone anymore.
used to care

the d word

I wanted to write this general post about how I really don't understand divorce, any more than I understand people getting rid of their good friends. I know it happens, shit happens, and I do, logically, understand that. the problem is I don't emotionally understand it and I don't think I ever will, and emotional understanding or lack thereof is almost impossible to put into words. plus, the majority of people I've met who have or have had marital problems tend to freak out when you question the situation or distance yourself from it, because they always seem to think they're being judged or their pain is being belittled. i figure maybe they just hurt too much to think straight; at the same time, people who aren't thinking straight can be exasperating or even dangerous.

one time I literally got a whole room into an uproar by asking what I thought was a non-loaded question about this subject. thankfully it was an anonymous question or I'm afraid someone would have punched me. as it was, people cried and stuff and I felt like shit even though it was an "engaged encounter" class (mandated by my church as you probably guessed, lord knows I don't voluntarily put myself in those kinds of emotionally manipulative settings) and we were being encouraged to ask anything we wanted about marriage. I only wanted to understand, I wasn't trying to make anybody cry, geez.

i'm disallowing comments on this because I just wanted to get the thought out of my head. I don't want people to try and explain it to me. I just wanted to say I don't understand it and at this point I probably don't want to understand it.
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