February 4th, 2004


three chords and a cloud of dust

short version of long thing i wrote in my paper journal:
(first, effing disclaimer: the following are my general thoughts only. nobody specific is "doing anything" upsetting at the moment.)

i'm tired of dealing with people, or rather with dealing with my THOUGHTS about dealing with people, not with the actual persons themselves.

bottom line is, you can put effort into a job, school, a craft or home maintenance project, saving up money, etc. and have a reasonable expectation of what the outcome is going to be. sure, sometimes shit happens and you have to rethink your strategy, but in general, if you go about it in an intelligent way you'll probably make some progress towards the better job, raise, promotion, becoming more learned, having a nicer place to live, a nest egg, etc. even if it's not as much progress as you hoped.

people = different story. there is no way to predict the outcome when you put effort into being with people. they could still split, die, or turn into some kind of jerks tomorrow. i'm a risk averse person, and people are risky business, and a lot of the time i feel like it would be easier to just not go there. it's not about fear; it's a bit about mistrust; it's a LOT about minimizing disruption and hassle.

at this point i'd like to list the names of the dozen or so people who i consider good, reliable friends at this point in time. i know why people list names and namecheck each other on their journals. it makes them feel good, to think and talk about their friends. almost everybody does that, i do it sometimes. but, i don't like to. it's not because i don't like the people i like. it's just that you should be able to like or love someone without publicly reminding the planet all the time, and maybe making other people feel excluded. plus, if i'd made such a list a year or a year and a half ago, it would be different from now, so what's the point, except for my own reference? some things, actually many things, are better just kept to yourself and not announced to the world. you all know who you are, to me.

yeah, disappearing is stupid, especially if you do it too often. i have to admit i enjoy doing it though. when in doubt, just go. don't look back. do one to others before they do one to you.
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this is a party, how did I get here?

Dead Guy came around last night. That was kind of him, it's been awhile and I'd been in a crankysad mood probably brought on by eating too much of the wrong things mon. nite, and missing him and a couple other people. He was also kind enough not to scare the fuck outta me this time ;) He looked pretty decent, like he's finally getting used to this deadness thing. I dreamed we were at a party on a bus. (I dream about buses, trains, planes, assorted terminals and hotels all the time, usually with weird psych or modern interiors. I like traveling except in real life I'm usually tired and worried about what sort of hassle awaiteth me on the other end of wherever I'm going. Conclusion: must pick better destinations.) But anyway back to the partay we went to. Like I said it was on a bus and given by this man I used to work with who I haven't seen in a looooong time. DG (as in, Dead Guy, not any other DG) said hey dear I have to leave soon and look for a restroom. Which was very much in character, he joked about his small bladder from day one and tended to consume gallons of diuretic alcohol and coffee. I said well, just let me say thanks and goodbye to our host and we'll go. But host guy was busy sharing a Kodak moment with another friend and I didn't want to interrupt. So I said, well, look, there's a restroom up the street like a mile or five or so away from here, just start walking there and after I talk to the host I'll get my car and catch up to you. So he left and shortly thereafter I went out to the parking lot to get the car and was thinking Geez I didn't give him very good directions and that's a loooooong walk through a questionable 'hood. (In my dreams, any walk that's not in Lakewood, which I recall in my sleep with photographic precision unmatched during my waking hours, always passes through a questionable 'hood.) I was going to get the car and try to catch up to him and give him a ride the rest of the way. Because I was thinking, man he smokes too much to walk five damn miles. But instead I woke up.

Yes dear, that's what I did. I sent you on ahead. Hopefully I'll catch up later.

Aliens Ate My Copyright

"This is a copyright dispute between parties who believe the copyrighted work, the Urantia Book, was authored by celestial beings and transcribed, compiled and collected by mere mortals. . . . [Defendant] asserts that the Foundation did not want to reveal to the Copyright Office that the 'authors' were celestial beings because the Copyright Office would have rejected the application." Urantia Foundation v. Maaherra, 114 F.3d 955, 956, 963 (9th Cir. 1997).

I pity the poor judge who had to listen to this argument with a straight face. Then again, it's the Ninth Circuit. Aliens, Microsoft, whatever, all in a day's work.
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