January 25th, 2004

honi soit

I need

a dose of hope. i'll see about getting some in the morning

(no, not a hose of dope, you hoser!)
  • Current Mood
    okay okay
no melodrama

careless whiskers. i mean whipsters. i mean WHISPERS.

i was telling her how i felt bad because i'd told him i wished he had died and he finally did and i actually thought that was best under the circumstances. and she said, oh you didn't mean it, people get angry and SAY things, they don't mean them that way. and I know that she's one of those people too, who gets mad if she lets herself, and yells, and says things that she doesn't mean or not all the way, and that lots of people are like that. blow up and take half or all of it back later.

but I'm one of those people who takes it all to heart. whatever you say, I expect you to back it up. I'm not going to give you a free pass because you changed your mind later. If you say you love me and later you don't love me, you suck in my eyes, because you said something you didn't mean. And if you insult me or interfere in my life or butt into something between me and someone else that's none of your business, I'm not going to let that go by, just because you talked before you thought and maybe later changed your mind or didn't mean it. words for me are written on stone, written with blood, it kills me to take back anything i said and it happens only rarely.

this is one place where i conflict with a lot of other people, people who change their minds, who talk out of turn. no, you do not do that, with me.

and she doesn't understand that *I* *did* *mean* *it*.

then she tells me about Irene, who she roomed with, who went on incessantly about something, and she finally lost patience with Irene and said, "Irene would you just SHUT UP!" And from that day forward, Irene did shut up, never spoke to her again, would talk to other people in the room but not to her. About fifty years after this happened she met Irene again at some get-together and Irene still would not speak.

She doesn't understand that she gave birth to Irene.
  • Current Music
    5-10 inches of snow