no. (roses_rejoice) wrote,

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Came across an old forum post in a newly bumped "Thanksgiving" thread indicating that I spent last year's T-giving cleaning my office and then went home to eat steaks and beer with Ted and was happy about alla that. I don't remember much abt last year's holiday so I figure that, coupled with my happy post, means it was a good 'un. I do remember starting to have hassles with some folks the minute the weekend was over, though, which won't happen This year cuz Those peeps are Gone Daddy Gone.

In past years I've mostly blawgged jokey things around Thanksgiving, or repeats of cool plattitudes I ganked from somewhere else (I'm thinking of that Watt column). I still like me a good joke or poetic pondering, but this year I want to do an honest giving-of-thanks post for a change. Honest = Scary because I'mma speak my mind and Someone Somewhere (in Summertime) is prolly not gonna like it. I'm gonna do it anyway because I want to, and need to.

First off, I am thankful for all those things I'm afraid to be publicly grateful for, like my reasonably good health, my loved ones' ditto, my mom and my old boss still being on earth though they're old, and that I managed to stay employed for another year. I'm afraid to be thankful out loud for these things cuz it's like you might jinx it. I or others can get sick or lose a job or even die at any time. Saying "Thanks!" for these basics seems weird when one should more likely be saying "Whew! Dodged that bullet again. Wonder how long my luck will hold out?" Accepting that bad things aren't bullets but instead are natural parts of life's journey from which we Learn and Grow Et Cetera is even harder. And the worst is being all thankful when you're figuratively right in front of a bunch of folks you know who have cancer, just got laid off, or lost a loved one. Saying "Thanks!" that you haven't had such tragedies sounds like "Thank heaven I'm not like that poor schmuck" or "Thank God my buddy down the hall got it and not me." But I am honestly thankful that everything is OK right now, so I knock on wood and say si Dios quiere and the Dag Hammarskjold prayer, "For all that has been - Thanks! To all that shall be - Yes!" He died in a plane crash and for no good reason that makes me feel better. I don't mean I feel glad that he died. I mean, the fact that he could think that way even when something bad ultimately did happen calms my anxiety somewhat.

Moving right along...

I am thankful for all the great shows I got to see this year, particularly that I got to London to see the Dio tribute and Martin Turner's Wishbone Ash and those freakin' storybook trees, and that I got to see classic GBV six times with way more fun and none o' the drama that used to louse up nu-GBV shows for me.

I am thankful I have a work project that, while not billable, is at least interesting and neato. It beats sitting around thumb-twiddling during what is often a slow time of year.

I am thankful that I can e-mail or text my friends Happy Thanksgiving greetings this year, if I want, and they'll all be glad to hear from me and none of them are going to ignore my messages or yell or send me nasty notes telling me to quit bothering them. If they're busy eating turkey at their Mom's or gf's or whatever they'll just hit me back the next week, like normal people, yanno?

I am thankful that no one is going to ask me for money in such a way as to make me wonder if they care about me personally or just act like they do in order to get in my wallet.

I am thankful that I will not be doing the "family Thanksgiving" thang this year. I love my mom and I like Ted's family OK, and sometimes I don't mind family holidays, but this particular time (and a lot of particular times) it ain't where my head is at and I'm happy not to be expected to be all duty-bound about it.

I am thankful I will not be sitting around waiting for some particular someone to call or wishing they would. I spent more holidays doing that with different people than I care to remember. Never again!

I am thankful that I won't be making any plans for lunch or get-togethers with anyone who will wait till the last minute and cancel out with a totally lame excuse, and then get mad and manipulative when I call them out on their lameassedness.

I am thankful that I won't be having to sit around the house getting drunk to quell the anxiety caused by All Of The Above. I may still get drunk, but it'll be a happy drunk punctuated by happy messages to people I love who know how to give love back.

I am thankful, oh so thankful, that my job waited till after GBV finished their tour to go buck.

I am thankful for all my awesome friends, especially Lesley.

I am thankful that I got a pretty good handle on who's actually a friend and acts like one, and who will talk shite behind my back at a moment's notice.

I am thankful for every artist and musician whose work I've bought/complimented/supported/enjoyed who acts like a person and, even though we may not be Best Bosom Buddies (and I probably don't even want to be), treats me in a nice friendly down-to-earth way, rather than acting nasty, arrogant, paranoid, self-centered, weird, psycho, or like my breathing their air somehow disturbs or embarrasses them, even though I don't say much and try to stay out of the way. I can think of at least ten people I could name off who have been nice to deal with, and y'all don't know how much that means to me. It means a LOT.

I am thankful for everyone who realizes that the lies crazy people tell about me are lies. If I wanted to be nice I would say "delusions", but let's just cut to the chase. A lie is a lie, and someone who presents delusions as truth without acknowledging they may just be in a wee bit of a bad position to make public pronouncements is a liar.

I am thankful that the number of people in my life prone to throwing tantrums has dropped precipitously to near nil.

I am thankful I have finally been able to start cleaning up my house and my life, even if it's just a little bit.

I am thankful for Dale.

I am also thankful we don't have a big mortgage.

Th-th-th-thanks all, folks. Have a good one.
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