no. (roses_rejoice) wrote,

No You Don't Have to Let Yerself Fall in Love.

Sometimes Things (not spiders but other things like the way the air sounds and smells at Night) remind me of times when I "fell in love," and I wish I wasn't so reminded. Sometimes I wish I had never "fallen in love" because it's akin to being on really good drugs and falling in a puddle, or the gutter, or maybe even the toilet. Everything seems wonderful because you're not in a sane state of mind but it can switch to Horrible in about 10 seconds flat like a trip gone bad, and then there's no way out of the nightmare for ages till it all wears off. Out of all the times I "fell in love" I had exactly three (3) relationships I'd consider reasonably helpful or healthy even if just for a time, and two of those went so rotten by the end that I barely missed the person when I ended the movie. The rest were just plain dysfunction on a stick. I am not including Ted in this lot as I never "fell in love" with him though I certainly do Love him a lot and it is very nice even after 23 years or however long it's been to lay next to him and type this. Actually it's nicer than it was 23 years ago as he showers more now, haha. Srsly I liked romance in the past but more recently I don't much care for it because I don't trust it and figure something Bad will happen to me as a result of it, because that's been the bulk of my experience. I don't want to waste my time chasing something that's gonna make me feel ecstatic for five minutes and then in pain for five years, or that's gonna get in the way of me doing other interesting stuff cuz I can't have fun when I'm made all sad an' mopey. I'd rather just have someone be around all the time and bring me cookies. Anyone who's ever had a debilitating physical injury, as I have two or three times, knows that lovemaking aint always something you can manage or even Want to, but Cookies Are Eternal.
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