no. (roses_rejoice) wrote,

I wonder, should I call you? But I know what you would do, yeah yeah yeah...

Random Sunday thoughts:

I love my mom but I wish she would quit harassing me making remarks/observations abt my marriage such as saying how Ted must be "a very patient partner" to "put up" with me being out of town for half of four weeks in a row (actually he was with me during one of the trips and I'm gone a lot more than that cuz I stay at the orifuss, but whatevs). Ted suggests I should just say "Oh yes, he is!" and leave it at that. I know he's right but part of me wants to say "Yeah and Dad must have been a very patient partner to put up with you being Around every single week but obviously miserable cuz you wanted to go Somewhere so bad and he didn't, and you wouldn't go without him." I would never say such a thing to her though becuz it would hurt her and becuz I always felt like that particular disconnect was Dad's fault for not realizing that a wife gets frigging bored stuck in the 'burbs of Cleebland, Ohia when she's not *from* there. Hell, I *am* "from there" and everybody knows how much I love NE OH like a bad boyfriend I can't get the hell out of my blood, and even I would hate to be *stuck* there day in and day out, pre-Internet. It's a lot more fun there when you can pick up oncet or twice a year and go "Hey yo I'm goin' to New York" or whatever.

Mom making interjections abt me and Ted would make some sense if we'd ever had a hint of "marital trouble" but we haven't. Even when I haven't felt much like being around him for reasons that usually had nothing to do with him and Everything to do with me having other stuff in my life to deal with, there hasn't been a question of us breaking up because there's no reason to in my mind, and apparently not in his either (I ask on a regular basis just to make sure). I don't understand why it's not like that for more couples but I guess maybe I am just lucky.

Also, she still will not listen to me when I try to tell her that the mere fact that Hillary Clinton is biologically female does not outweigh, in my mind, the fact that she appears to be seriously mentally unhinged ever since the Lewinsky business, possibly even before, and that while I would love to have a Woman President, I just don't want THAT Woman President. I also would really like it if Mom would quit comparing my professional career to some bitch who rode her stupid ass good ol' boy huzzband's coattails all the way to the White House. I got wherever I got (which, on a bad day, doesn't seem to be much a much) without any help from Dudez In Mah Lyfe including my father unfortunately (unless you count the fact that he was basically a good dad and loved me, which I don't mean to discount but it's not the same as those dads who pull a couple strings and get Daughter a fancy job), and the women I admire tend to be people like Janet Reno who similarly got wherever they got at least mostly on their own steam.

Nevertheless, I love my mom, in part because she's the least trusting person on the face of this earth, constantly tells me not to trust ANYBODY and worries more abt me getting ripped off than I do.


And while I love my mom and I can appreciate her being concerned I guess, annoying as that concern might be, I don't appreciate nor do I stomach anybody else saying anything abt any relationship I happen to be in. My life is not a public campground, posted NO TRESPASSING, you stay out unless I ask you in. You don't axe me kwestions - I hate confession time, or girly girl chit chat (and I think the level to which a lot of ppl esp ppl my age are seemingly obsessed with relationship interaction is "terribly unattractive" as rich snots say). You don't make remarks. You don't say things to my friends. You don't bring things up with me. You keep yer trap the fock shut.


I've talked before abt how I think there's a basic gulf between people with kids and people without kids in this society. I'd take that a step further and say there's also a basic gulf between people who have large extended close families, and people who Don't. There are ppl who don't seem to "get" that not everybody has a lot of brothers and sisters, not everybody has aunts/uncles/grandparents with whom they are close, and I think that affects what people look for in life from their friends as well as how they view other people's interactions with their fam members. It's perfectly normal for me to have aunts, uncles and cousins who I don't particularly dislike but don't particularly know or like or spend time around either because I simply don't have anything in common with them and any attempts someone may have made to bridge that gap was sort of like setting up discussions between natives and new settlers - you can kinda see where the other person is coming from, but you wanna do your own thing. These people are my family but also they're not my Family. My friends are the Family I Choose, and aside from my mom and possibly Ted (altho he's never been one to get in the way of me and my friends because he recognizes, I guess, that I do need other ppl) my friends are the most important to me. It doesn't surprise me much that most of my friends are similarly somewhat distant from whatever family they have or their close family members are dead. They get where I'm coming from a lot better than people with a lot of close family, which often just seems like an excuse to kick "outsiders" to the curb, or to propagate drama, or to complain that they didn't get some special consideration for the wedding of their third cousin once removed when I have cousins getting married and giving birth and probably dropping ded out there somewhere and I barely hear about it and barely know the person and thus barely care.


On a completely unrelated note, Payback's a bitch. I don't like to think that way cuz I could and probably have been on the fuzzy end of that lollipop, and I'm not using a euphemism for doin' it on the carpet, but...seriously I feel pretty unappreciated a lot of the time. I may be old but I'm a lot more stable and faithful in my caring abt someone than a lot of younger ppl who are still looking for what the hell they want out of life. Apparently stability is valued about the same as engineering skills in US society, that is to say, not much, so I'm just as happy not to bother trying to convince anybody anymore.

Yet, I still have hope that somebody will "fin'ly see...the saving grace in me" but if so, it's gonna be from Them making the effort to see it, and not me advertising it. So there too.


On yet another completely unrelated note, I haven't posted abt the dolls or doll ppl in a long time because I'm tired of how it seems to be one long round of get it, love it, get tired of it in a month, and resell it. I am tired of how ppl pay megabux for stuff like Bermanns that they just absolutely HAD to have or they were going to bust a blood vessel or something, and then a few months or a few years later sell the supposedly beloved objet off to buy some other damn thing that they just Have to have. I can understand buyers' remorse if it happens right away, I can understand needing to sell something if you get in a jam and have to pay rent, or someone loses a job or a baby's on the way, but that's usually not the case because these people usually just turn around and blow the money the Latest Greatest Newest whatnot and then pretend that they LOVE it. I'm not joking, they use that word, LOVE. When I love, it means something. It means a long time, if not forever. It doesn't mean a year and then on to the next thing. As stupid as it sounds, this hobby trivializes love, even if it's only "thing-love". It's hard for me to deal with people who change their minds abt what they love (or anything else) on a regular basis. I don't love half-assed, even if it's just a hunk of outgassy plastic product.

Plus there are too many board mods and BJD World Celebrities who run around like a bunch of little ruling-class Hitlers that we're all supposed to be grateful to. po0p on that.

I'm in a slow process of scene dissociation from all that. Still love the actual dolls themselves tho, people's foibles ain't the fault of the Art. Kill the Singer, Save the Song, an' all that.


Wish I could find more ppl who think like I do.
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