no. (roses_rejoice) wrote,

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Btich, Btich, Btich.

I'm having a hard time blogging lately because I'm getting too distracted, or letting myself get too distracted (I'm not sure how much fault I want to put on myself), by stuff I don't like about this medium. I feel really torn because there are a lot of good things abt blogging, namely fun posts, interesting and insightful information exchanges, people to talk to on a regular basis who fit in with/ understand me and my sked, the relative ease for me of "talking" on here vs. talking in person or by fone, the feeling of accomplishment when I *am* able to express myself publicly or even semi-privately, the ability to keep up with my distant friends and to meet new friends on here who I wouldn't have met otherwise (one of which we're doing lunch with in a couple hours, yay!).

The downside is running into all the crap posts I don't like for no good reason but personal preference. There are a lot of people whose posts make me want to physically slap or punch, them or the wall, I don't care, I'll throw something. I'd even throw this post of mine in that category because I generally dislike posts from people listing stuff they don't like on other journals and bitching abt it. So WHAT if you don't like reading cryptic posts or song lyrics? I'm not interested in reading your endless movie reviews or constant disses on organized religion from the gay perspective either. Buzzck orff.

There are other types of posts I can't stand and I won't go into details as I've done so before, but one I hate most of all is the self-congratulatory post. I cannot stand people who talk up their accomplishments or portray themselves as somehow cooler, deeper, physically fitter, kinder and more helpful. There is a fine line here. It's like when a lawyer wins a case. If you are my friend then I care abt your case and am happy for your good result, esp if I know you were worried abt it. If you work in an area of law I care abt then I would like to hear too. But if you're not my pal, then I don't give two ho0ts whether you did well at some routine motion, nor do I care how hard you worked at it (we all work hard) or how complex it was (what isn't?) or abt your explanations of the case unless it's truly of some constitutional or save-the-world dimension. Quit patting yourself on the back and get back to taking care of bizness. Apply the above context to everything else - your art, your fitness program, your relationships. People who need to congratulate themselves for life, or worse yet, who seem to need a cheering section, make me sick.

Are any of these ppl on my f-list? No they are not. My friends don't go on that way. Then why don't I just not read people's shit then? That's a very good question and one I ask myself. Every time I look at various blogs and there's another Same ol' Same ol' post abt Look How Great I Am (or any other topic that's repeated for more than a few months without good reason - like, I expect ppl to post repeatedly abt a bad breakup or a death, that's how they get over it) I ask myself "Why bother?"

I used to say it was because I was fascinated in a trainwreck sorta way by why people would brag on themselves and wanted to know the motive. After giving it some thought I've concluded that most if not all people who carry on like this have major self-esteem problems. A lot of them seem to be female or be men with "female" characteristics (yeah I know gndr gnrlzation is bad, yeah yeah). A lot of them seem to have lives that are seriously in the toilet in some regard, often fiscally, sometimes relationshippally. So, ok. Mystery solved. Let's move on. Why don't I just move on?

I don't want to turn into one of those people who say, "I don't have time for the Internet anymore. It's fecking buggersome. I have a life. I want to spend it with people I can physically see, talk to, eat with, screw, etc. and not sitting in front of an electronic box." I still remember getting told that by someone I cared about and how bad it hurt because I had no other reliable way of communicating with them. It meant goodbye. I remember pain, of a lesser sort but still painful, when other ppl I considered god friends just decided to up and stop posting on here with me. It was like "ok, you're not fun to play with anymore, I'm going home" whether they meant it that way or not. I missed them and I felt badly that I was so unimportant to them. I don't want to make anyone else feel that way, although it's difficult for me to see myself as "important" to anyone other than Mom and Ted, and probably mileshedgehog, maybe one or two others - I don't know and don't want to presume or discuss it.

But spending a couple days walking around a city or riding through beautyful countryside has been making me feel so much better than coming on here and encountering what seems to be endless Twee, Want and Wahh. Of which this post is merely adding to the pile, so I will betake myself hence.
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