no. (roses_rejoice) wrote,

See a Little Light.

When I was young I would get into bad moods and my mom would be hassling me and asking me if I "gave thanks to God" today blahblahCatholicmomguilttripyanno. And I'd be all like teen angst "What happened today I should thank Him for?" And she'd say, "Well, you woke up today, didn't you?" And I wouldn't have anything to say back cuz that did NOT seem like a blessing to me then.

Now that I'm closer to the age Mom was when she was harping at me, which is also closer to Deth and with more stuff to Do, just like for her then too, I get it better. Although I still would not expect a 14-year-old kid to understand it, the way this society robs them of any power or control over their existences they might as well be good lil' slaves, but that's a different post and one I have made before. My point is, I am thankful I woke up on mornings like this, cuz it's another chance to try an' get a grip and set things right. Nothing's really all that bad, it's just like the snow last weekend - 6 inches of snow is expected and doable, 12 inches, well that's a pain but we'll cope. But when you look out and there's like 2-3 feet of the shite out there and you're not a penguin f'realz, then you just want to throw up your hands and have a nervous f'in breakdown. Which is about how I felt by the time I got around to reading tc's letter. I know that guy has had kind of a screwy life or he wouldn't be where he is but at the same time he wouldn't have been running around Hollywood managing a guitar store and hanging out with Ron Wood either. He'd of been sitting on his butt in Dayton drinking beer and probably not being anybody I would say more than "hello" to.

That's not to say that guys who live a quiet life in some 'burb are not worth a dang. It's just that I have noticed that most people seem perfectly happy to find an SO, find some job that will pay for a roof over head and some food/beer/pot/and a little entertainment for them and said SO, and then just spend the rest of their days Existing. I've never been content with that. I pretty much had that when I got my first job and all I could think was, in the immortal words of Peggy Lee, "Is that all there is?" I used to want to get famous, now I realize that I had no idea of what Fame would actually entail and it would have been about as much fun as abdominal surgery sans anesthesia. But I did and do still want more than just going to work every day and coming home to some loving arms, chow and a couple hours of teevee each night with the occasional visit from friends on the weekends. I feel bad about feeling that way because there's nothing inherently Bad in having that kind of a life and enjoying it. It's a good life. A couple times I even tried to live that way myself. It didn't work, I was miserable. And I know there are other people who feel this way, hell LARM threw that homebody lifestyle right in the dumpster and took up driving a truck. I used to get enraged and want to go postal on people whose lives in the summer revolved around their family/friends and the outdoor BBQ grill, just because that stuff is fun for maybe one weekend but if I had to live that way week to week I'd rather run away with the milkman - if there were still milkmen -

So when you have this dopey assed sorta-responsible-semi-Kerouac-thrillseeking-mentality that I apparently suffer from, a lot of your friends are going to end up being people who are slightly fuct up or have a little bit of a haywire lifestyle cuz that's just how they are, crazy angels or what not. Hopefully not too crazy. I have met people who were interesting but also messed up so bad that it was literally dangerous being around them because they were pill heads, drama hos or worse, and sometimes they have caused me a good bit of pain or harm, and I always worry that will happen again. At the same time, you don't ditch out on people when shit gets heavy, if they aren't posing any immediate danger or detriment to yourself. It's times like these I feel good about being a believer cuz I can say a prayer, even if I was not a believer I could meditate or chant or whatever. Everything is gonna be all right, Hushabye. Hushabye.

Moving right along...I did make it out to the Bob Mould show at the ungodly early hour of 8:30 at the 9:30 cuz Bob had to host the usual Gay Disco Dance Party (known as "Blowoff") in the basement at 11 pm. It was a decent show, although the sound was a bit messed up and I think the band could have used another guitarist although Jason Narducy (who seems to be playing in whatever band it is every time I go out to a show lately) was bouncing around with his bass like a rubber ball, taking up most of the 9:30 club stage while Mould stood static at one end and the kbd guy was sitting behind kbds at the other end. Good thing Jason has long legs and jumps around a lot or there would have been not much to watch. Not that anyone would prolly have cared as most of the people at least up front seemed to regard Mouldy Bob as the Second Coming. There were openly gay guys of all ages, including an old Elton-John-looking pair kissing in the front row and a couple of adorable skinny little hipsters with arms around each other right behind them, looking probably much like the old guys did thirty years back. There were tons of elderly people, and by that I mean "looking more elderly than me by a long shot". A couple women were bouncing up and down in front of Mould who seriously looked like elderly nuns and all I can think is they were probably mums or aunts of the 40+ year old band dudes cuz I have never seen anything looking like them in the front rows of a show before, not even at Patti Smith gigs. There were a few aging punk dudes having nostalgia trips and a lot of thirtysomething indie types apparently looking to hear some ol' Huskers or Sugar cuz they missed it the first go-round. Given the sound problems and Mould losing his vox and going out of tune a few times and too many slow angsty Mould-alone-in-the-spotlight-with-no-Jason numbers at one point, I give the whole shebang a B+, or maybe an A- thanks to the food dudes who put about one and a half whole avocados on my nachos when I usually get somewhere between a half and a whole one if they're even in stock.

It did serve to remind me how many truly great songs Mould had in his day though, most of which I haven't heard in years. When they busted into "See a Little Light" with Jason singing backup, some Rip Van Winkel of a brain cell jogged awake and reminded me how much I used to love that song...and "Hoover Dam"...and "Wishing Well"...geez so many good ones on top of all of "New Day Rising" and a few other Huskers to0ns. It's a shame that stuff seems to have fallen off the face of indie rawk radio, not that anyone listens to radio anymore now that we all have (or are supposed to have) an iPod (I still can't be arsed to have one). I remember seeing Sugar live at a little dump in Fells Point called Max's On Broadway and being very happy to go see 'um, wearing a black lace dress that flared when I spun across the floor, although I was miserable about my weight which was only like oh 40 lbs less than it is now, haha.

It also served to remind me how in general old indie/punk acts are preferable to dreck like the opening act which was some horrendous female-fronted moody wave band called "Halou", whose lead singer got up into registers only dogs can hear (she literally hurt my ears) and seemed to be under the mistaken impression she was a Cocteau Twin. Uh, no. And That served to remind me why I'm not that interested in going to as many shows this year. To quote Soul Asylum again, although I never did like them much, I got so much more to do with my life. And only one day off this week.
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