no. (roses_rejoice) wrote,

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LOLCat got my tongue...

I'm starting to have that Problem again of feeling like I have to censor myself on here. Basically, there are three groups of ppl who actually read this blawg, at least sometimes:
1) My close friends to whom I can say most anything, often agree with what I'm getting at, usually understand even if they disagree, and when we do disagree they talk to me about it.

2) My more distant friends who don't know me that well and we don't hang out, but they agree with me or find me OK on enuf stuff that we can have conversations pretty reg'lar, and I'm genuinely interested in what they're up to almost all the time and dig having them in my life. It's like, we would probably hang out if we didn't happen to live on opposite coasts or whatever.

3) My even more distant friends who have alwas been nice to me and generally ok to talk to, but we may or may not have very much in common because our lives went in different directions. I also have 30-year friendships in RL that go like this.

Lately, I find myself not popping off with some of my more controversial rants or opinions because I worry abt hurting or alienating people in group 3, and to a lesser extent 2. It's not that these people are oversensitive twerps looking for reasons to play the victim. I've already had a few of those in my life and on my LJ and I weeded them out a long time ago, simply because I got sick of walking on eggshells all the time and wanted to be myRealself. But I know that being Real doesn't mean you have to have an opinion on everything, or spout off all the time, or share all yer thoughts abt exactly wot you think is stupid.

There's no need to hurt or upset perfectly OK people who are just going about their lives the best way they know how and the way they want to, when such people have never hurt me. I don't have such an exaggerated opinion of myself that I think ppl are hanging on my every word, but I'm not so big of a jerk as to say ppl just shouldn't be hurt when I talk about some subject that's not all Universal, like polly-tix, but is Personal and could be specific to Them.

My first impulse is to do some kind of drastic Fiendszliszt Surguree so I can talk to who's left, but I hesitate to constrict my life any more and lose perfectly good, nice, albeit distant, friends. Besides, it makes me wonder what I might be booting ppl for next month, if I go down that road.

My second impulse is to go back to using filters, but that bothers me too. I don't want to have twelve levels of security clearance and be shuffling people around. I had that for a couple years and it didn't make me happy. That's why I just have Locked and Unlocked now. That's all the more complicated I want it to be.

So...I have no idea what to do rilly. I'll probably just sit here being largely mute like a bunny, until I figure it out.

I do wonder how lots of other ppl spill their guts on here reg'lar, even public, and never seem to be bothered, not so much by the fact that ppl read their ritings (actually most posts we make prolly go 90 percent ignored) but by the fact that they wrote abt such personal stuffs in public. I wonder what it's like, being that open?

Edited to add, BTW it's nothing that big I'mma wanna talk abt. I'm not getting a divorce, I don't want to trash anyone except the ex-"friends" that I've been trashing for like 4 or 5 years now and you all know quite well who those ppl are, and I don't have any bodies buried in the rose garden except my dear departed fuzzy cats and guinea pigs. And I'm not plotting World Domination either. What would I do with the focking world? I'd have to vacuum it!
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