the other day I was having a convo on a bus with the bus driver and some other wussy-voiced guy who brought up the notion that some people just really want or need to be In A Relationship so it becomes very important to them to be In one. I think I know some of "those people" and I don't understand them. They remind me of the girls who wanted a date to the prom and didn't much care who it was, didn't even care if it was some guy they barely knew or had no interest in, as long as they had A Date and could go to the prom and hang out with their friends. I never wanted just "a date"---if I wanted to hang out with friends at the prom I would have gone by myself. What I wanted was somebody who loved me, somebody who really wanted to Be with me not only at the prom but forever and furthermore was going to be nice to me and not make my life a daily annoyance and force me to fuss over them and cater to their every stupid whim as the price of them sticking around. I could have gotten Just a Date, I am pretty sure, but because I wanted more than that and didn't have it, I never went to the prom at all. I felt terrible about that at the time and sometimes I still get a twinge and wish things had been different, but in retrospect, having heard 25 years worth of awful prom stories about getting thrown up on, getting ignored, and getting hit up for bad prom night sex, I don't mind so much.
anyway along the same lines I don't want just "a relationship" with anybody. if it ain't good-to-great, I'll walk away. I'm not one of those mega-high-standards ppl; I just don't put up with bullshit because frankly, I'd rather be alone. I get the feeling there are a lot of people for whom "rather be alone" creates some kind of a tearing horror. Need I say again how W-E-I-R-D I think they are? W-E-R-D.