it's really funny how when you get old you can see exactly where your thinking went wrong when you were young, but there's not really anything you can do about it, except just hate some past people's guts all the more.
making peace with the hated people is not an option. i tried with all my heart and it so did*not*work and just made me hate myself for being an idiot and even TRYING. someone who has already fucked up on you will, 90% of the time, just continue to fuck up in the same way, over and over till they croak, because they don't want to change or can't change. perhaps there are people who think the same way of me, but i am pretty open to fixing anything as long as the other person reaches out enough. the thing is, THEY have to do the reaching out, or at least half of it. if they can't even do that then they deserve to be tossed on the bottom of a dungheap. which is, actually, where i think the vast majority of people belong anyway.