no. (roses_rejoice) wrote,

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Guilt, chapter 487.

Now that they recovered the seven sub dudes from their tin can in one piece, I hope the astronauts get similarly lucky with their re-entry. Reminds me of when I took weekly piano lessons when I was about 6 or 7 and if there were Astronauts floating around at the time, the mean ol' piano teacher nun would announce at the beginning, "Now let's offer this lesson up as a prayer to God for the astronauts that they get home safely." I can recall at least one time when my lesson wasn't very good and she lost patience with me not being able to make my fingers do whatever they should have been doing and yelled at me and said that I wasn't making a very good offering to God on the astronauts' behalf. Like if they croaked in a flaming fireball it was gonna be all the fault of this little 7-year-old in a plaid uniform jumper, for not playing the piano well enuf.

I didn't go to church today. The above is not why---I just can't handle it right this minute. I hope God doesn't off any astronauts on my account though. As an adult, I don't really believe that is how God operates, but it's hard to emotionally break that core of guilt you're infused with as a child, even if you can logically dismiss it with a wave of your hand.

Also in retrospect, I suspect that nun was reminding herself to offer patience up to God as much as she was lecturing me. She had such a short fuse, she really should not have been teaching music to kids, but they made her do it I guess. I think that was where I started getting the idea that all musicians were difficult sonsabitches and you had to put up with a certain amount of abuse. Oddly enough I don't hate her or even dislike her. I took lessons from her for 8 years, while most of the other kids quit after a year or two. I think part of it was the challenge, sort of like the pilot trainees in Officer and a Gentleman. "You're not gonna make ME quit! I'll beat you! I'll win this game!" I grew to think of her rather fondly.

But I still don't play much piano.
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