I think the thing that's gotten me down the most over the years is feeling like I am Trapped, in a box (cf. usericon). By my own head when I wanted something like a Lover I couldn't have, a Person to talk to me who just frickin' wouldn't, some Expensive thing that I couldn't afford or when I could afford it was sold out, or just to be able to Lose weight, or Drive on the freeway without panicking, and whatever It was I just Couldn't Get Past It.
I *finally* started getting Enough. I *FINALLY* started getting past it. Or Got Past it. I'm not sure how far because I don't like to look back...but it's better.
I wish it didn't take till I was about 40 to start Getting better, but that's how life goes, and people don't emphasize that enough when they're all hyper in their diaper about DO I LOOK OLD HUH HUH HUH?! I'M AGELESS NO REALLY! I HAVE TO PRETEND I'M THE SAME AGE AS THESE MUCH YOUNGER PEOPLE I RUN AROUND WITH CUZ I JUST CAN'T BEAR THE FACT THAT I'M GETTING OLD ALTHOUGH THERE'S NO SHAME IN IT OH GEEZ I MIGHT NOT GET HIT ON IN BARS SO MUCH AND THEN I WON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
*cue laugh track*
Or in some sense, Trapped by Other people, the Lovers and Friends and Family who just wouldn't shape the hell up and act right...or not being able to say what was on my mind, the truth in My head, the remark I didn't think was so damn bad, because If I talked, Somebody was gonna start boo-hooing. Well guess what? Sometimes you just gotta speak the fock up and let 'em boo and hoo. That's how they get their rocks off in life.
And again, I wish it was something I could have started doing younger...but I did. That's how I was Originally. Cue Jackie Kennedy's spoof voice on the Vaughn Meader record, We decided to keep him just as he was originally. I lost it. Worried too much about the First Church of Public Opinion. Cliff 'em all, I say. I'd be so sad if I lost it. This time.