no. (roses_rejoice) wrote,
no.
roses_rejoice

  • Mood:

trade the cash for the beat for the body for the hate

WE INTERRUPT OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAM TO BRING YOU THIS BULLETIN 

"When you were a little girl, you were afraid to express these strong emotions. You were afraid to leave your bedroom at night or cry out of fear, much less throw a tantrum. In your world it wasn't safe. If you dared to express your anger, your fears, that would not be accepted. ...So you buried those feelings. You had to out of sheer survival. And, in the meantime, a part of you never grew out of that phase ---a part buried out of fear and self-preservation that has never left you." 

this is a great quote. except that in the original it is about being a child who is fearful of its parents. that's not my issue. in fact, my mother actively encouraged me to emote and still to some extent does, because she, correctly, thinks suppression is not physically healthy. 

this quote pertains to me after i left my parents. and this is why for about 15 years i felt stuck at about age 21. if you don't let yourself feel and express it, you can't grow. i am never going to be an emotive person. (i heard an elliot smith song in the car today and spent three minutes strongly disliking it not even knowing who it was before the announcer announced it - hey at least i am consistent.) but getting in touch with my emotions is why i don't feel 21 anymore. haven't felt 21 for a while. i felt 26 or 27 for a few years. i might be making it to 30 soon. i don't mind, my good friends are all getting older too and i want to grow old alongside them. and stuckitude doesn't feel good. 

ASK NOT FOR WHOM THE HOUSE COOKIE TOLLS 
IT TOLLS FOR THEE
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