it is fun to pay credit card bills in full. yis, 'tis.
it is Not fun to realize that most of the stuff you are charging, you wouldn't even want or need except that you Need It For Werk.
i keep reminding myself that if I went back to being an Unemployed Art Student tomorrow, I could be sitting around our mortgaged dump of a howse in BumFock with the other unemployed wives and divorcees and mommies and retirees, eating ravioli for lunch out of a can and spending the whole day in my nightgown watching TV ads for vocational training and ambulance chasers. that's not such a terrible life to be honest (lord knows there are enough slackers on EllJay doing just about that on a daily basis and seemingly damn proWd of it cuz they never change) but i don't think it's for me, right now. Soooo i'll keep paying RIM(job) and Arthur Beren, I guess.
thinking back to the things that really eggzcited me when i was little. jumping beans. yes, mexican jumping beans from the drugstore, Fad of the Week when i was 8 or 9. they had a card of them by the cash register, i'd never seen any. somebody brought them to school, four in their tiny little box, it cost what, a dollar? maybe two dollars. a lot of money then. i nagged and nagged my mom till i got my own box to take to school, and her not wanting to give me the two dollars, not wanting to give in to a kid's nagging. why in hell was it always so hard to get anything? that's why now when somebody asks me or needs something i'm tempted to just be elvis about it and say "yeah, here, don't worry, it's only money, i'll make more." probably too much tempted for my own good, i know it adds up. but hell it's just numbers on a piece of paper and i never want it to be anything more than that ever again. and i don't EVER want to have to look at some dude reading a menu and know that he's trying to figure out how little he can spend on my lunch and still get laid afterwards. EVER, Bob, EVER.
numbers. i am 60 thou in debt on my school loan and the principle hasn't started to move yet cuz i'm still paying off the interest and the saddest part is this is a WEE, SMALL loan compared to what most students are taking oWt these days. and let's not even talk comparative mortgages.
i am just nebraska protestant enuf to want all these debts to go away. till then i work for the man(g). to make them go bye bye. and that is my purpose in life. easter is almost here. when i was about 7 the girl across the street had a fuzzy toy chick with wire legs in a little egg that she treated like a pet. the wire feet would bend to let it sit on her finger. i loved pretend pets more than anything (real pets too but they were usually Not Allowed). i wanted one of those SO damn bad. again i think it cost about 2 bux, Made in China, but it wasn't sold in our 'hood, her aunt or somebody brought it to her. i didn't find one in the store for the longest time and when i did it was like hitting a gold mine. thinking about getting those jumping beans and that fuzzy chick still make me smile bigger than getting any blackberry in the world. seems like there was always something new to want back then. because there was nothing else to do, but want. that's apparently how most people live.